George Beinhorn
WriteRemedy
240 Monroe Drive #514
Mountain View, CA 94040
(650) 248-9878 (Sample article)

Plain English of the Rich and Famous

The websites of the world's most successful companies speak a kinder, gentler marketing language.

Pity the poor business manager who Googles for a simple customer-service application, and, yo, finds hit numero uno: 

"Acme CRM empowers the enterprise to envision a barrier-free portal to B2B engagement for SME core-business services..."

What the...? Right, and, although the example is fictitious, it really isn't all that uncommon. In fact, not a few survivors of the dot-com daze have yet to learn its most basic lesson: when companies become overly engaged with themselves, it means they don't aren't paying sufficient attention to the customer at the door.  (Click.)

On the other hand, visit the websites of many of the companies on the Silicon Valley 150, Fortune Global 500, and Fortune e-50 lists, and you'll find them talking the same simple, cordial, plainspoken language that Macy's has been using in its advertising for 150 years:

"Use your Macy's card to take an extra 10% off today. That's EXTRA savings on sale prices. That's EXTRA savings on clearance prices. That's EXTRA savings each time you use the card."

Compare Macy's just-folks copy with this clip from the home page of MCI WorldCom, a top-10 communications company on the Fortune e-50:

"Great Rates! 200 minutes of calling for $9.95. Click here! Big Savings for Your Small Business! Sign up today!"

Here's a unique new product at a great price! Here's why it's the best! We back it with A+ customer service! What could be more persuasive? 

Old, established companies aren't afraid of simple language. Newer companies often are. Ask yourself: would you rather do business with someone who tries to impress you, or a person who wants to make an honest living by serving simply and sincerely.

Plain language is one way to tell the customer that you're on his side. Impressive language, on the other hand, may tell him that you're self-involved, insecure, and not terribly interested in his welfare.

A commercial for an IBM desktop systems several years ago nailed home its sales points by spoofing TV infomercials. Using a humorously hyped presentation, complete with blatant repetition and a final breathless "Call now!" it presented crystal-clear selling points of price and features.

The point is, there's nothing unintelligent or unsophisticated about talking to your customers in plain English. If you want to impress your customers, put a picture of your Lexus on the home page, but if you want to sell goods and services, keep it plain and simple.

Admittedly, some tech products may be hard to explain, and it's unfair to expect your copywriters to describe them as clearly as consumer goods. Yet, any tech product can be described in readable language, with the caveat that industry-standard terminology may be required.

As advertising genius David Ogilvy put it, "If you think the product too dull, I have news for you: there are no dull products, only dull writers." Ineffectual web language usually reflects flawed thinking rather than poor language skills--when, for example, the company chooses a self-congratulatory monologue for its home page, or feels that it will be taken more seriously if it talks to its customers in the important-sounding language of the latest Internet marketing fad.

Makers of one-of-a-kind, high-demand, or just plain excellent products may succeed despite the labyrinthine verbiage of their advertising. But their successes don't prove that better writing wouldn't boost their sales. In the Internet economy particularly, where decisions may be made in milliseconds, it's important to seize every chance to influence customers in your favor.

On the Web, little things count. John Caples, a legendary direct marketing copywriter, once researched two similar print ads for the same product and discovered that one ad was pulling nineteen and a half times as many sales as the other. The difference? A slight change in the wording, with greater emphasis on the buyer's needs. Careful language and service attitudes are even more important on the Web.

Home Pages of the Extremely Successful

You can tell a lot about a company from the first words out of its mouth. What a company says on its home page generally reflects how much it cares about communicating clearly.

The examples of good Web writing that follow were culled from the sites of the top fifty companies on the Fortune Global 500, Fortune e-50, and Silicon Valley 150 lists (www.fortune.com; www.siliconvalley.com).Financial and consumer product and service companies are included, since those sectors set the standard for plain talk.

The websites of the world's richest companies fall broadly into three categories: 1. sites that use simple, clear language; 2. sites that communicate the right ideas, but not very clearly; and 3. sites that are clogged with jargon.

The sites in the first category vastly outnumber the others, thank heaven, and in many instances they're a delight to read. In each case, the sample copy was clipped from the lead text on the home page. For Hitachi, Cisco Systems, and other companies with pure-links home pages, the samples were taken from a secondary page.

Successful companies aren't immune to vacuous jargon--"the power of now," "total business integration," "automating and integrating business processes between enterprises," etc. And when we reviewed it, the home page of a top-ten Global 500 company contained no fewer than four glaring grammar and style gaffes. (They were swiftly corrected, however.)

Listen to the top tech and e-business firms as they talk to their customers. The biggest lesson to be learned from the Fortune and Silicon Valley websites? When sales droop despite your carefully crafted TLAs (three-letter acronyms), try a little TLC instead.

The Sites

Applied Materials. "Applied Materials introduces its first Atomic Layer Deposition chamber used to deposit thin, conformal high purity films at low thermal budgets."

Apple Computer. "Introducing the new Power Mac G4. At speeds of up to 11.8 gigaflops, it's the fastest Power Mac G4 ever. The new Power Mac G4 puts tremendous creative resources at your fingertips with the revolutionary Super Drive (DVD-R/CD-RW) and Apple's award-winning digital video editing and DVD authoring software."

Amazon.Com. "Hello. Sign in to get personalized recommendations. New customer? Start here. New Lower Prices! Save 30% or more on books over $20 unless clearly marked otherwise. Your website can make you money. How? We'll pay you if your visitors shop with us. Become an Amazon.com Associate today!"

AT&T. "Create, manage and distribute text, audio, and video to millions of users simultaneously. Web Broadcasting can do it for you."

Charles Schwab. "Why choose Schwab? Get an overview of what Schwab can offer you. Act now: select the account that's right for you. New -- StreetSmartPro trading software: Serious traders can now get as much real-time data as they can handle--plus an offer of 10 commission-free equity trades. Test drive it now."

Cisco Systems. Pure links home page. First copy in corporate description: "Cisco end-to-end enterprise network solutions form the most comprehensive line of networking products available in the industry. From the branch office to the WAN and campus backbone, Cisco products are the leading choice of the enterprise."

Dell. "Servers & Storage: Engineered for high performance, maximum uptime, serviceability, and ease of management. Notebooks & Desktops: Harnessing the power of emerging technology for top performance, serious multitasking & high productivity. Networking: From switches and routers to firewalls, Dell provides the building blocks for LAN/WAN connectivity."

eBay. "Welcome New Users. Take to the open road. Drive the car of your dreams. Enter to win a 1961 Corvette Convertible."

EarthLink Network. "Welcome to EarthLink. 'What service can we provide for you?' For the Home: Dial-up access, broadband, or wireless. How do you want to Get LinkedK?"

Healtheon. From Healtheon's WebMD site: "Women, Follow Your Heart. A woman's heart attack symptoms often differ from those of men. Here's how to recognize them--and what you need to know to stay heart-healthy."

IBM. "Celebrate! The 20th anniversary of the IBM PC with a NetVista desktop for $799 ( U.S. only)"

Intel. "Delivering the Best Mobile Experience. With speeds up to 1.13GHz, the Mobile Intel7 Pentium7 III Processor-M delivers high performance while using less battery power for businesses and consumers."

Microsoft. "Microsoft Certified Professional Systems Engineer. Earn your stripes. Validate your skills and expertise on Windows 2000 and save 25% on exams." Also: "Get started with .NET security with this overview of the Microsoft .NET Framework."

Lucent Technologies. "What will it take to make the all-optical network a reality? Lucent is building the all-optical future today."

MCI WorldCom. "Great Rates! 200 minutes of calling for $9.95. Click here! And: Big Savings for Your Small Business! Sign up today!"

Network Appliance. "Network Appliance creates specialized products that excel in the storage, management, and delivery of data and content on demand. Our Center-to-EdgeJ solutions work within existing infrastructures to simplify data management and improve network performance."

Oracle. "Eliminate the cost of downtime with Oracle9i. Thinking availability? Get your free think9i Availability e-kit today. Nine questions IBM doesn't want you to ask about high availability."

Siebel Systems. "Learn how a comprehensive eBusiness solution can increase customer satisfaction and the bottom line."

Sun Microsystems. "Sun and Hitachi join forces to bring customers a better choice than the Expensive, Monolithic, Closed storage systems of yesterday."

Qwest Communications. "Ride the light. Qwest Security Solutions: Managed Firewall as low as $599 per month."

3Com. Pure links home page. From the Wireless & Mobility Solutions page: "Go where life takes you. Stay informed and productive with or without wires. It's simple with 3Com." From the Mobile Professional page: "The world is your office. Fortunately, 3Com mobile solutions keep you informed and in touch from hotels, airports, client sites, and remote offices--without thinking about it."

George Beinhorn is a marketing copywriter in Silicon Valley .